To Anyone Who Wants to Conquer Their Limiting Beliefs But Can't Get Started
To anyone to wants to conquer their limiting beliefs, but can't get started: You are not alone. I know what it's like to carry big dreams in your heart, but feel conflicted and stuck in your mind between carrying fears of failure, not feeling good enough, and resenting yourself for procrastinating.
But guess what? I know how to BREAK those cycles too! From conquering my own limiting beliefs to helping clients overcome theirs, I'm sharing my potent formula that will help you break up with your limiting beliefs so that you can finally feel free and in control of your destiny!
Goodbye, Limiting Beliefs! Hello, New Life!
I feel a sense of wholeness and completeness that I’ve never felt before. I spent my entire life feeling like I was searching for something. Something to make me stand out, something to make me valuable, something to make me worthy. But stripped down in my authenticity, loving my “flaws,” healing what is asking to be healed, and accepting that some progress is not yet ready to be made, I see that I am in full alignment and that everything happens in perfect timing. I’m at peace and THAT is the freedom and harmony I spent the first 31 years of my life searching for.
That feels good to write and think. It makes me smile. It makes me soften. It puts me in a beautiful state of surrender and truly trusting The Universe to provide me with love, guidance, and support as I continuously break down the walls of my comfort zone, express myself vulnerably, and play in the unknown.
This state of liberation wouldn’t have been possible if I’d continued holding onto my limiting beliefs.
I can now clearly see all the ways I got in my own way in the past, and as a result, I can quickly identify and release my self-sabotaging behaviors.
So, instead of getting in my own way, I step aside and simply allow the magic to happen. My new favorite affirmation is “Dear Universe, I know you want to grant my wishes and I am giving you permission to do so.”
Are you ready to give your dreams permission to come true too? In order to do that, you have to trust yourself. You cannot question your worthiness, or criticize your brilliant ideas, and self-sabotage absolutely has to become a thing of the past.
The life you’ve always wanted is on the other side of your self-limiting beliefs.
I only write about and teach what I’ve been through. In fact, about 90% of the content you see from me is just copied from my own journal entries. Seriously. I do the inner work on myself and then I share with you.
So, here it is. These are the steps I follow to let go of my self-limiting beliefs, get out of my own way, and ALLOW opportunities and happiness to flow into my life.
I hope it helps you find freedom from your limiting beliefs the same way it’s helped me with mine.
1. I Constantly Call Myself Out on My Shit
The biggest act of resistance is denying that you are self-sabotaging in the first place. Calling yourself out on your shit really is about dispelling your limiting beliefs. I always like to think of limiting beliefs as lies we tell ourselves in order to resist the possibility of something bad happening when we step into “the unknown.”
To help you, I’ll share a common one that I’ve worked through myself and have helped clients with. The limiting belief is that you have to work hard if you want to earn a lot of money. I used to work nonstop, even when I felt like I was burning out because I felt that it would benefit me more. I took the “No pain, no gain” thing waaayy too seriously! And this super common behavior has self-sabotage written all over it!
Let me tell you how much this way of thinking hurt me personally:
I didn’t have a social life, so I felt lonely and became more and more depressed with every Saturday I worked instead of brunching with my girls
My sleep patterns were trash and I was always exhausted
I had massive headaches that eventually grew into neck and shoulder pain
I was short-tempered and jealous of everyone who displayed the tiniest sign of happiness
I was an anxious mess, battled with racing negative thoughts, was easily triggered and overly emotional in an unhealthy way
My self-esteem was nonexistent and I felt like a failure
Yup, things got scary!
Not to mention, overworking stopped being productive for me because I had so much brain fog that I spent more time spinning my wheels than actually getting things done. I wasn’t performing at my best or anywhere near it, which is where my self-esteem really took a bad hit.
So, how do you really master the art of calling yourself out with love? Start by identifying the things that are making you feel miserable in your life.
- What/who is draining your energy?
- When do you do things because you “have to” and not necessarily because you want to?
- What do you want to do that you “can’t” do?
- Are any of these things really 100% true without a shadow of a doubt?
When I said things like, “I can’t go out with my friends because I have work to do.” it wasn’t the full truth. I wasn’t going to suddenly go broke or become deathly ill if I paused work for three hours to go to brunch. I had a belief that told me that I needed to be working 24-7 in order to be successful and the fear that belief caused was running the show.
2. I Release My Ego to Make Better Decisions
When we believe that what we are doing is the right thing, we often get offended when those beliefs are questioned, even when it’s ourselves who is questioning them.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve argued with myself after realizing that my tried and true methods weren’t working and I needed to try something new.
Arguing with yourself isn’t as crazy as it sounds. It’s human nature. We’re defending our programming when we argue and stand up for what we believe in.
But when you can look at yourself from a place of honesty and love instead of fear and ego, your reaction will be more like “I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired. Let’s fix this!” and less like “But I’ve been doing it this way my entire life and I don’t understand why I have to change!” Listen, I will always agree that change is scary, but if you want a different result, you should probably try something new. Just sayin’.
3. I Listen - This Gets Deep
Now, you’re probably wondering how to move forward when you feel afraid and anxious and your inner voice is telling you that you’re wrong for making changes, right?
Let’s discuss some heavy DON’TS first.
DON’T muscle through and force yourself to push through your emotions.
DON’T give up.
Your action step is somewhere in the middle here. When I decided to rest more and stop wearing myself out with work, my inner voice told me that I was lazy and that I would never see success as a result. It also told me that I was a failure and that I’d always been unworthy of good things, which is why things weren’t going well for me. It even said that I might as well use my looks and marry a rich guy.
Instead of distracting myself with things like food, booze, boys, and binge-watching every murder show known to man to quiet these thoughts as I’d done in the past, I gave my inner critic an even bigger stage. I spoke the words it said to me out loud.
Doing so hurt my feelings so much, I cried. It was heartbreaking to see that there was something in me that truly believed these horrible things.
I allowed myself to feel the discomfort from each and every mean thing that came to my mind and flew out of my mouth. I didn’t try to argue against it or stop, I took each hit and cried until it felt like my body didn’t have any liquids left. And then, I was set free…
Since then, I’ve named this experience a “Spiderbite Moment” in honor of the moment Peter Parker got bit by a spider, freaked out, felt the pain, and became Spiderman. Check out the video below to hear me share tips on processing uncomfortable emotions and releasing the limiting beliefs that have kept you stuck in order to release your own inner hero.
In listening and processing my emotions, I had a physical, energetic, and emotional release with each tear. I felt lighter and lighter with each painful memory that came up and related to those terrible beliefs about myself.
I remembered the different sources of all this negativity. And sitting with them in the way I did, raw, vulnerable, and brave made them walk right out of my life.
And you know what I did after that? I started living my life again. I reconnected with my playfulness, danced, spent time with my girls, hung out in nature, went deeper into my yoga practice, baked cookies with my nephew…I allowed myself to “just be.”
Wanna know what happened after that? My natural creativity came back, I started having great ideas again, and most importantly, I remembered why I fell so deeply in love with my business. I reconnected with my mission and purpose! I have a really healthy and happy sense of ease and balance between my work and personal life.
4. I Nurture Myself
Doing this kind of deep healing work has its side effects. It will have you feeling like you’re walking around with a wide-open wound right over your heart. You will feel extra sensitive early on and even a bit reclusive too. That’s okay.
You have to nurture yourself and provide a safe place for healing and integration. That phase of listening and purging your old beliefs might be over and done within twenty minutes or it can last a couple of weeks or months. I’ve personally experienced all three timeframes as I’ve worked with letting go of different limiting beliefs.
The key is to not give up, stay focused on your goal, and be kind and gentle to yourself. If you were caring for a sick child, you wouldn’t scream at them to get their chores done, right? You’d let them lay around, watch their favorite cartoons, rest, and recover.
Treat yourself with the same compassion and sensitivity because this is inner child healing work. That ego or inner voice that’s afraid of change is really your inner child expressing their deepest fears, repeating what they were told, and begging to be seen.
So, give them that. Feel proud of yourself for letting it all out and remember that you are changing your life for the better.
The Journaling Tip That Will Change the Way You View Your Limiting Beliefs
If you want to go deeper, pull out your journal! The sets of journal prompts below are designed for sitting with your limiting beliefs, exploring, and understanding them. Doing so can take your self-discovery journey up several notches and help you get really comfortable with having Spiderbite Moments.
But before you dive into the prompts, look at them as guides, not something written in cement. Don’t be so focused on answering each question that you don’t allow your mind to wander, take detours, and continue exploring. Let yourself “ramble” in a sense and just flow freely.
These prompts will get you started, but when you get into a groove, your subconscious mind will take over and reveal deeper truths that have been hiding beneath the surface. That is where the true magic happens. It also teaches you to trust yourself and helps you to know which inner voice (intuition vs inner critic) really has your back.
How does it truly make you feel?
When/how did the belief come to be?
What coping/defense mechanisms did the belief force you to create?
What feeling or outcome are you trying to avoid by choosing these mechanisms?
Do you really want to continue life this way?
Next, you dismantle the belief by disproving it.
How does it feel to allow these events from the past to continue to control you?
How would you prefer things to be?
Find the lie. How is the belief wrong? Get specific
Why is the place/person you learned it from not credible? Back it up with proof.
Then, give love to yourself.
Most of our limiting beliefs, inner worries, and self-doubt come from experiences in our childhoods that we continue to replay in our adult minds. It doesn’t always look the exact same, but those experiences still control the way we behave.
For example, when I was overworking, I was motivated by having watched my mother work multiple jobs to take care of my brother and me. She worked hard and often went to work exhausted and sick, but she still struggled to make ends meet.
My inner child was afraid of revisiting that scary place of scarcity. So even though I wasn’t having problems keeping food on the table in reality, I was mimicking the effort I watched my mother put in because “If she was working THAT hard and we still didn’t have enough, I have to work twice as hard to be abundant.”
Logically, it doesn’t make sense because like I said, I wasn’t struggling to put food on the table AND I don’t even have kids, but I’d been programmed with this way of life from being a child who wished she could do something to contribute in that situation.
I needed to show my inner child love and compassion for what she went through and that it wasn’t her fault because I was carrying a lot of guilt and blame for my upbringing. From there, I reassured her that she’d never be hungry again on my watch.
One Final Pep Talk for Good Measure
What if this is where your dreams come true, but all you have to do is simply allow life to happen?
What if you just have to shut down your inner critic, get out of your own way, and allow things to unfold beautifully and in your best interest?
What if you are capable of having everything you want and all you have to do is let go of your past?
What will you accomplish when you let go of the fears, and self-doubt that's kept you stuck?
What will your life look like when you release resistance and finally allow your dreams to come to fruition?
If you're ready to drop your habits of self-sabotage and stop feeling stuck, working with an Empowerment Coach can help you jump over your inner hurdles. You can click here to book a one-on-one session with me and we’ll work through getting rid of your limiting beliefs together.